i do.

I want a husband/wife who will get mad at me when I miss a prayer...

I want a husband/wife who will pour cold water on me when I don't get up for Fajr Salah...

I want a husband/wife who will draw me closer to Allah, who will get upset when I lie, cheat and do bad things and anything wrong...
...
I want a husband/wife who will call me after every Maghrib Salah to read Qur'an together...

I want a husband/wife who will wake me up in the middle of the night for us to pray together and ask forgiveness from Allah.♥

sparkle.

and it's been the 7th year since cousin quitted smoking. who would have thought.

alhamdulillah.....

that's something admirable.

one 'sweet' day.

i was surprised last night when i discovered those birthday cards aging 10 years old till the very recent ones. and i read them all again and i realised that those wishes have become more meaningful, especially those from my sisters. we argued a lot, critisized each other harshly, hit and beat up each other, but i felt ive gotten closer to them to some extend. because those wishes tell me so.

and that one card from an old friend...that i've lost. i read it again, and i teared again. it was only last night that i realised that person really wanted to let me go, pushing me away like as if we were to go separate paths, the earth we were standing on would split into two as well. it did not 'bloom' at all...our friendship. and i can't help, but thinking the whole thing was my fault. i hurt that person, perhaps. i don't know. i keep on doing this to people and ill be clueless about it. am i really a bad person?

and a 'thank you' card while i was working at Mendaki. they said i had been a great help..well, i hope so. and asking me to smile and stuff. after living like this for 21 years, i think im doing just fine. from the most unexpected superior, i liked his words the best: "thanks Nurul for your dilligent and positive attitude. somehow it motivates me to work as well." oh yeah, a superior said that. imma gaping. i think this is like that "what the society thinks of me" thingy on FB. so this is "what my superior thinks i do". haix.

but i have to say, in the midst of this struggle... being Plankton is the best. the one from spongebob show. i feel sorry for him for trying like that...but i think i'll have his spirit.

God knows best.